(Emily & Will, circa 1983)
This world is so loud. But maybe it’s time to be quiet and listen.
So many people are speaking so loudly, trying to be the MOST RIGHT person. It’s like people think if they say things loudly enough and often enough, then everyone else will just suddenly understand and agree with that point of view. So many, many people are vying to be heard, and really, that’s the issue. No one is willing to be quiet and listen.
We are all passionate human beings. We feel things. We personalize things. We internalize things. And the beauty of it all is that we are all so brilliantly different. No two of us are exactly alike. Take a second to marvel at how amazing it is that every single person you meet is a unique being, with unique experiences and unique perspectives. We might not agree on all things, but that doesn’t make any of us any less brilliant. We all shine.
What I don’t know is why different is equated with bad. What I don’t understand is how people decide that someone’s opposing opinion is a personal attack against them. I don’t have to agree with you on how you feel, but I cannot argue that you feel. There isn’t a way for feelings to be wrong, only different. People are so busy telling others that they hold the wrong opinion, that they feel the wrong feelings. How can that even be true?
Why do we feel so threatened by each other’s emotions? Why are we so reluctant to stop shouting AT each other and start listening TO each other? Why do we put up walls and fences instead of laying the groundwork for bridges?
It seems to me like we aren’t making much progress with our brash, sweeping proclamations. It seems like all we are doing is widening the gap between our human experiences. We are creating US and THEM, when really there is only US. There is no Planet B. This is the only one we get and we are all on it. We have to protect it, but we also have to cohabitate on it.
I have two children, raised in the same household, immersed in the same culture, sharing largely the same experiences. Even with all these sames, their outlooks, their personalities, their feelings, their expressions couldn’t be more different. Neither of them is wrong; they just each live their own truth.
What makes us think, then, that others from other houses, other cultures, other experiences should conform to our way of feeling and expressing? Is our truth any more true than theirs? Why should they be expected to live our truth?
When I hear people say they are tired of others being offended by everything, what I really hear is someone unwilling to listen. What I hear is someone who has decided he or she has found the ONE TRUTH, has built a wall, and is standing armed and ready to fight for it no matter the human cost.
To see the other side, you must be willing to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, to engage in a messy process of understanding through truly listening. Because all anyone really wants is to be heard. All anyone really wants is to know that you want to understand and truly HEAR, even if you don’t and likely won’t agree. All anyone really wants is to be validated and not to be dismissed and silenced.
And they won’t always listen back; this I know. They won’t always offer you the same courtesy of respecting your truth in return. That, to some, can be the deal-breaker. That, to some, will be the signal that all the yelling and division is actually the only answer. And to that end, we will have more of the same. We will have YOU and ME, we will have US and THEM, we will have LEFT and RIGHT, we will have WHITE and BLACK and ASIAN and HISPANIC, we will have RICH and POOR, we will have CHRISTIAN and MUSLIM and JEWISH and ATHEIST, we will have STRAIGHT and GAY, we will have all the things all apart, and we will all glare at each other across the great divide of noise.
It’s not easy to be still and quiet. It’s not easy to be humble and listen. It’s not easy to admit that maybe, just maybe, you don’t know all the things there are to know and you can’t see all the ways there are to see. I will admit, I’m trying, and I do get trounced. I get dismissed, I get silenced. It’s really part of the process… model what you want to get, work for the way you want it to be, stop talking, be quiet, lean in and listen, really listen, truly reflect.
Keep building quiet bridges. I’ll meet you in the middle.